I was leaving a lunch date with one of my favorite couples, Steve and Nicole Brewer last Thursday, when my cell phone rang. It was Gary who had just left the parking lot minutes before me, “your dad was in an accident, go to Memorial right away, I am almost there”. That was the only information I had, and of course over the 15 minute drive every thought possible raced through my mind. It was after all my dads 66th birthday, and I was planning on meeting him that afternoon to look at IPods to help him make the best choice. My dad is a huge music lover, and Emilie and I were excited to organize his hundreds of CD’s for him.

Desperately, trying to drive the speed limit, my emotions went from tears and sadness to complete fear and panic, all the while praying, “Please God don’t take my Daddy, not yet, we are not ready!” Five minutes from the hospital I called Gary, “what do you know, is he okay?” Gary was steady as always, my rock, today and everyday. “I just prayed with him, he knew it was me, your mom is here, they are taking him to X-ray, all we know is he was hit by a woman, she was drunk.”

My sadness turned to rage, violent rage “make sure you keep her there Gary, I am pulling into the parking lot and I am coming to kick her BLEEP! If it were a man I would let you do it, but since it is a woman I will take care of it myself, who does she think she is trying to kill my dad!”

The front desk must have been warned a crazy lady was on the way, because they took one look at my tear stained face, red with anger, and walked me right back to my family.

My mother hugged me and let me cry, she was perfectly calm and graceful, answering questions from the police and nurses. Gary let me rage and told me firmly to get a grip, dad would be fine, and we were not going to kill anyone today. The woman had already been taken off to jail. My mother was asking questions about the woman and wondering if she was okay, then the police officer told us that he does not know how she even walked to her car to drive it, she was so drunk. My mother was concerned for this woman and how sad her life must be to drown herself in alcohol at one in the afternoon. Gary suggested we pray for her, my sweet husband, my compassionate mother….and me, fists still clenched, jaw tight, ready to swing at anything that moved, fully sarcastic I smiled, “yes, I will be sure to make her a casserole and pray for her the second she gets out of jail”

My dad is still hurting, his truck is trashed, he has not returned to work yet, this man has never stopped working since he was fourteen. We still have not celebrated his birthday. I don’t know the long term damage to his body; I don’t know what will become of this poor woman.

I do know that I have slept little since that day. I have been awake since three this morning. I was shown the condition of my heart, and it’s not pretty. What does it say when your first emotion is anger? My responds to this accident is saying volumes to me right now about who I am, and deliverance I need… there is some work to be done here, and I know the only One who can fix me, is more than capable and willing to fix me, but first I have to humble myself….I hope this confession is a first step…..