Have you ever thought about the end of your life? What it looks like, how it will end, and will you die happy?

I honestly have not had many thoughts about my personal death—I used to say I would die a martyr, and I actually would proclaim that while I was preaching. It was all ego driven, not Holy Spirit at all.

Death is really not the issue for me at all anymore. I now know how I could “die happy”.

This past year we have been watching my mother die a slow death. It has been beyond frustrating and confusing, as she is one of the most amazing, Godly, pure women you could ever know.

My mom, (Picture, me as a baby), has been my intercessor and my strength. She gave me life and saved my life with her prayers over and over. And, watching her struggle— especially from here in Spain— has challenged my faith. But I keep hearing her precious, small voice: “you follow God, and never look back. Period!”

Our family will celebrate her death— we will watch her join the “Cloud of Witnesses” and hear her small voice cheering us on from heaven. Although she is in horrible pain, we know she will “die happy”. My dad catches her often with her eyes closed, hands in the air worshiping her Jesus. She gets it.

Watching my mother pass, a few of our friends parents fading away in their minds and bodies, and even losing our son Michael has really brought some perspective.

Life really is a “whisper”, a “vapor”. If you live your life to old age, or if you are taken at a young age, it goes by very fast, and we have little or no control of how or when that happens.

When we waste our time holding on to positions, titles, our own rights, un-forgiveness, our stuff and our ego, we will miss even more of what life has to give us. In fact our second half of life will be littered with cynicism, bitterness, judgment and ultimately exhaustion.

Money, power and stature will not help me die a happy death.

The full life for me is: spending myself on a generation, dying to my own ego and “false-self”, daily going through the process of Life, Death and Resurrection with my heart, serving my wife and children with my life while I am still here, or they are still here.

I do not want to just change. I want to be transformed.

Transformed from the bottom up—not the top down. Not from the outside in, but the inside out. Transforming my soul into God.

If I can do that, I will “die happy”.

Were we led all this way for Birth or Death? This was a Birth, certainly, We had evidence and no doubt. I had seen birth and death, but had thought they were different…I should be glad of another death.

“Journey of the Magi,”
by T.S. Eliot

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