I heard a quote today that hit me hard! “the definition of oppression is when something, or someone controls your life or your destiny“. I started thinking of the days and weeks I have lost in my life because I let something, besides God, besides the Truth, control my life. I have lost sleep over what people did say, or might say, or did do, or might do…and this gave them control, this made them my god…. Oh, how I wish I could get those hours back. Most of the things that I have worried might happen, never did, but the time lost thinking about it was stolen from my life, time I can never get back….what a waste, what sad reflection. 

 I started really thinking about who I am today, and started thinking about what it would take to be who I really want to be tomorrow. I need to make some changes, some big, some small….but I realized the only one who can change my mind, my thoughts, my speech, my LIFE, is me. I have the power, and I know the power Source.

 It has seemed that God has been so quiet this last year, or maybe He just isn’t saying what I want to hear, or maybe I am just not listening at all….but one thing I do know, I am still here, I still have a job to do, I still have a lot of children to raise, and a man that needs a lot of love, support and prayer,  and I am the only one that can do it. All my strength still comes from Him, I definitely can not do this alone, and I don’t WANT to.

I have no idea why today was the day for me to finally GET a concept I have known all my life. Maybe it is maturity, or brokenness, or maybe, it is just TIME.  Suddenly, I feel empowered instead of intimidated. Suddenly, the things I have been dreading, I am now excited about, because I know God is in all of it, and somehow it will all work together for good, for those that love Him. My children will not only survive their teenage years, they will thrive, the word of God is living and alive in them, they HAVE been brought up in the way they should go, that much I know for sure. Gary and I are embarking on the most exciting time of our lives, even though so much is unknown to us, even though it looks different than we thought it would. Together, stronger than ever, facing one day at a time, armed with truth, and falling even deeper in love….

I think of all the things I have made my gods, and all the ways I have been disappointed by them, always left empty, always left wanting the real thing. And there He is, ever-present, ever-loving, able to heal, and willing to forgive. It is time for the cloud of doubt and oppression to lift, and time for us to walk in our true destiny….a life of freedom and joy, a life of forgiveness and understanding. A life different than we thought, and better in everyway…it feels so good, to no longer be afraid….